You know, I pride myself on being a brave woman. Truly. I fantasize about being in dangerous situations and taking the bullet for a family member or kicking the living shit out of some bad guy with my bare hands or, even better, a baseball bat. However, when I am by myself, in the dark, outside, every single horror movie I have seen comes roaring to life in my memory and a little voice inside my head says "Don't look behind you, you skinny, defenseless, little woman." And I reply, out loud, "No shit! I'm getting the hell outta here!". That is about when I break into a run that would put Jesse James to shame, reach my destination, slam the door behind me, and continue on with my life like nothing happened.
The fight or flight experience is truly marvelous. Every trivial care, like tripping on unseen obstacles or dead bodies, stepping on a slug, or running into the actual monster is no longer an issue. The only issue is reaching safety. I swear it is the anticipation of something to fear that is the worst. Once you are truly wigged out, it doesn't matter what is coming after you, or if there is anything at all. The hormones are now like beer on tap, flooding a biker bar right along with the leather and ass-less chaps.
Now, when I am with a friend, I instantly turn on my "protection" mode. Nothing can touch us. I will protect us. You want to take a walk in the dark in a sketchy neighborhood? Sure! You want to walk deep in the woods without flashlights wearing meat helmets? Hell yeah! We have nothing to worry about. Whatever we come across, I can handle. Somehow, I know that when the shit hits the fan, I will be able to protect my friend. I have that instinct. Perhaps destiny. However, if I was placed in that same situation...alone, I would have soiled myself yesterday.
Perhaps one day I will get my chance to kick the ass of the cougar attacking my friend, wrestling with it for awhile, and finally stabbing it in the eye with a stick. My friend would be minorly injured and my fierce bravery would be known to all woodland creatures for generations to come. And then the next day, walking alone, I would get attacked by some punk raccoon and my dead body would be found three weeks later, half eaten by rodents and a random snail population.
In all seriousness, the death of Dwight Clark has struck a tone of fear into my adrenal glands. I want a knife for my birthday for my protection. If you happen to come upon me in the night, alone, I will scream and run like hell. If you make the stupid decision to approach me when I'm walking with my friends, I will turn and stab you in the neck. Ye be warned.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
The Intimidation
There aren't many things that I have difficulty wrapping my head around, but when it comes to myself, I am stumped. Well, at least when it comes to how people react to me. I am nothing special. I don't have long legs, silky hair, or piercing eyes. I'm not tall and skinny, with a leather jacket, whip, and boots up to my thighs. Also, I am not some sort of haggard, wide-set, 6', snaggle-toothed broad in army pants. I am merely a 5'4'', athletic, redhead girl. I wear jeans, t-shirts, sweatshirts, and sneakers. I just don't understand why so many people are so intimidated by me. Well, I don't understand why men are intimidated by me.
Between the ages of 17 and 19, something happened to me. I used to get the "You are so beautiful" compliment, but not anymore. Nowadays, all I hear is "You are really intimidating, you know that?". What the hell?
I used to get asked out every quarter, hands down. Perhaps Green River boys had more guts then these Western boys. Or perhaps I have had "F*** Off" stamped on my forehead since I stepped foot on this desolate campus. Well, I don't know either way.
It is not that I need guys to ask me out to feel good about myself. I know I am beautiful and I know that I am one hell of a cool chick when you get to know me. I like motorcycles, rough-housing (in the literal sense, that isn't code for sex), cooking amazing meals, spicy foods, and action flicks; I don't like shopping for myself, taking forever to get ready for events, or glitter. I don't need a boyfriend either. I am a strong and extremely independent woman and have been for a long time. However, it would be nice if the seat beside me on the bus wasn't the last one to fill every single time. Seriously, only women in their 50's sit beside me.
Western boys need to grow a pair and sit down in that damn seat!
A couple years ago, all my friends were men. Now, they run away like I'm holding a nut-cracker in one hand and their sense of control in the other. I would hate to think that men stay away because they instantly sense that there is absolutely no way to seduce me, fool me, romance me, outsmart me, or avoid a severe lashing if they piss me off. However, that is only for stupid, idiot, douche-bags with nothing out of the ordinary going on. It just so happens that there are a lot of them out there. If somebody with a little courage and extraordinary temperament (as in, interested in something other than sex and sex-related items) were to come along, they would have little to fear. I am a very warm person after you've earned my trust.
Strength, intelligence, and independence should be attractive qualities in a friend of either sex. Western boys, and men everywhere, need to recognize that and stop chasing the primped, flouncy, pushed-up, and painted tail that swarms the campus. So there.
Between the ages of 17 and 19, something happened to me. I used to get the "You are so beautiful" compliment, but not anymore. Nowadays, all I hear is "You are really intimidating, you know that?". What the hell?
I used to get asked out every quarter, hands down. Perhaps Green River boys had more guts then these Western boys. Or perhaps I have had "F*** Off" stamped on my forehead since I stepped foot on this desolate campus. Well, I don't know either way.
It is not that I need guys to ask me out to feel good about myself. I know I am beautiful and I know that I am one hell of a cool chick when you get to know me. I like motorcycles, rough-housing (in the literal sense, that isn't code for sex), cooking amazing meals, spicy foods, and action flicks; I don't like shopping for myself, taking forever to get ready for events, or glitter. I don't need a boyfriend either. I am a strong and extremely independent woman and have been for a long time. However, it would be nice if the seat beside me on the bus wasn't the last one to fill every single time. Seriously, only women in their 50's sit beside me.
Western boys need to grow a pair and sit down in that damn seat!
A couple years ago, all my friends were men. Now, they run away like I'm holding a nut-cracker in one hand and their sense of control in the other. I would hate to think that men stay away because they instantly sense that there is absolutely no way to seduce me, fool me, romance me, outsmart me, or avoid a severe lashing if they piss me off. However, that is only for stupid, idiot, douche-bags with nothing out of the ordinary going on. It just so happens that there are a lot of them out there. If somebody with a little courage and extraordinary temperament (as in, interested in something other than sex and sex-related items) were to come along, they would have little to fear. I am a very warm person after you've earned my trust.
Strength, intelligence, and independence should be attractive qualities in a friend of either sex. Western boys, and men everywhere, need to recognize that and stop chasing the primped, flouncy, pushed-up, and painted tail that swarms the campus. So there.
Monday, October 4, 2010
The Christian
Living in my little liberal college town, it is very amazing to me how far these masses of people have pushed God from their thoughts. It seems to me that God is just an idea, or perhaps a nagging afterthought that haunts the periphery of their minds, popping up in moments of reflection, but quickly pushed away. Though that ever present decision to maintain a weary yet persistent distance from a creator so alive and present makes me sad, I am aware that these choices are not mine to make for them. I do not judge. They have done their research and I have done mine. We came out with different answers and stuck to them.
I have realized that there is undeserved hostility and distinction placed by and between the "Christian" and the "Non-christian". Christians smother themselves in their people and perhaps avoid friendships with "others", while the Non-christian is instantly put off when they figure out just what that kid does on Sunday mornings. I hate this. To throw eloquent articulation out of the window: it is STUPID!!! Though the Christian needs and should seek fellow Christians for support and kinship in faith, it is not just the Christians that need their own help and friendship. Is it not the sinners whom Jesus called upon to be his disciples? It is OK to be friends with an atheist or a gay guy. It is not OK to forego your faith to better fit their description of a perfect friend, however. It is OK to share your faith with your Non-christian friends, like you would share anything else about yourself. Share Jesus because you love Him, not because they don't. It is not OK to push your faith upon people unwilling to hear it and make a big deal about it. If they want to hear it, then share it. End of story.
For the Non-Christian, it is OK to share your reasons for rejecting a relationship with God. It is not OK jump to the "Oh, you're religious" statement, let your face fall, and assume that the person standing in front of you has nothing to offer in your world. Enough with the "Religious" stereotype crap. Don't use the word until you understand what it means and where it should be applied. Purely religious people go to church because they feel they have to, they read and pray every night, perform ceremonies and traditions, and follow a set of guidelines they feel are necessary because they feel they have to. A true Christian may act like a "religious"person, but they feel quite differently about it. It is about a relationship!!! A relationship with the Father, Son, and Spirit. We do the things we do because we love God and feel His love for us, not because we feel we are obligated, or will burn in hell if we don't. Now, I understand that the Christian does not always act like the perfect little Christian that comes to mind, but what must be understood by the Non-christian is that the Christian is human. The Christian makes mistakes and is struggling with everything the Non-christian is struggling with, in addition to maintaining the extremely beautiful, powerful, yet difficult thing called Faith.
I will talk about faith in further detail later on, but until then, just realize that it is a much more complicated and alive entity than it seems from the surface.
I have failed often to keep God in my thoughts. I remember Him everyday, but not in everything I do. Though I have, by no means, lost my faith through my college years, like so many young Christians before me, I have failed to be more open about that part of my life. I am a very private person, and I believe my relationship with God to be private, but I know better. My pride forbids me to speak up lest I say something incorrect and lead somebody in the wrong direction, but I need to knock it off. I can't be perfect, but I can fight for perfection in making mistakes and correcting them. I will continue to talk about my faith on this blog, among many other, completely non-related subjects, and hopefully people (including myself) can learn a thing or two about what I (a Christian) and Non-christians are faced with every day.
I have realized that there is undeserved hostility and distinction placed by and between the "Christian" and the "Non-christian". Christians smother themselves in their people and perhaps avoid friendships with "others", while the Non-christian is instantly put off when they figure out just what that kid does on Sunday mornings. I hate this. To throw eloquent articulation out of the window: it is STUPID!!! Though the Christian needs and should seek fellow Christians for support and kinship in faith, it is not just the Christians that need their own help and friendship. Is it not the sinners whom Jesus called upon to be his disciples? It is OK to be friends with an atheist or a gay guy. It is not OK to forego your faith to better fit their description of a perfect friend, however. It is OK to share your faith with your Non-christian friends, like you would share anything else about yourself. Share Jesus because you love Him, not because they don't. It is not OK to push your faith upon people unwilling to hear it and make a big deal about it. If they want to hear it, then share it. End of story.
For the Non-Christian, it is OK to share your reasons for rejecting a relationship with God. It is not OK jump to the "Oh, you're religious" statement, let your face fall, and assume that the person standing in front of you has nothing to offer in your world. Enough with the "Religious" stereotype crap. Don't use the word until you understand what it means and where it should be applied. Purely religious people go to church because they feel they have to, they read and pray every night, perform ceremonies and traditions, and follow a set of guidelines they feel are necessary because they feel they have to. A true Christian may act like a "religious"person, but they feel quite differently about it. It is about a relationship!!! A relationship with the Father, Son, and Spirit. We do the things we do because we love God and feel His love for us, not because we feel we are obligated, or will burn in hell if we don't. Now, I understand that the Christian does not always act like the perfect little Christian that comes to mind, but what must be understood by the Non-christian is that the Christian is human. The Christian makes mistakes and is struggling with everything the Non-christian is struggling with, in addition to maintaining the extremely beautiful, powerful, yet difficult thing called Faith.
I will talk about faith in further detail later on, but until then, just realize that it is a much more complicated and alive entity than it seems from the surface.
I have failed often to keep God in my thoughts. I remember Him everyday, but not in everything I do. Though I have, by no means, lost my faith through my college years, like so many young Christians before me, I have failed to be more open about that part of my life. I am a very private person, and I believe my relationship with God to be private, but I know better. My pride forbids me to speak up lest I say something incorrect and lead somebody in the wrong direction, but I need to knock it off. I can't be perfect, but I can fight for perfection in making mistakes and correcting them. I will continue to talk about my faith on this blog, among many other, completely non-related subjects, and hopefully people (including myself) can learn a thing or two about what I (a Christian) and Non-christians are faced with every day.
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