Sunday, December 12, 2010

The Hollywood Horror

We have all been subject to a Hollywood Horror at one point or another. It is inevitable. For some people, it is the stuff of life, rather, the stuff of how they wish their lives to be. Yes, I'm not talking about a Horror in the traditional sense, I'm talking about the shitty romances that Hollywood pumps out like the dollar hot from the press. A Horror to anyone with taste, or to anyone who happened to be coherent when viewing it.
I can't believe people actually fall for this cookie-cutter crap. The girl is a spontaneous, energetic, hottie with a deep side. She wears wool and lingerie and jeans at the same time. The boy is a wealthy Italian number who is shut down inside. Boy meets girl. She changes him from the inside out, after having really meaningful sex with him. Now he is a happy, creative person with a desire to make the world a better place. He finds out she has an incurable disease. All of a sudden her face doesn't look so hot, yet she still wears skimpy clothing on her flawless and not to mention waxed, bronzed, and buffed body. He gets pissed off in his new-found passion for life. He 'saves' her by loving her anyways and they have more sex, but after he adopts a dog and quits his job to do pro-bono work to promote fair-trade coffee or some other kind of hippie saturated nonsense.
I wish I was making all that up.
After watching something like that, anybody with a brain feels like their creative intelligence just got slapped in the face. They stagger away from the couch in a disgusted daze and pray for that hour and a half of their lives back.
I have no idea how scripts like this make it further than the recycle bin, much less onto a disc...into a case...onto stores where people, mostly women who haven't been embittered yet can feed off of it like the one kid at fat camp who stumbled upon the camp leader's Hostess stash.

Please, Hollywood, remember to distinguish between what real Horror and Romance movies are and spare us your stupidity as it seems to be contagious.

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